Regrets,Guilt, And Wanting More
by Ice8
Summary: Rory's Getting Married, Right?
1. Doubts

                        Title: Regrets, Guilt, and Wanting More

                        Author: Ice

                        Rating: PG-13 to be on the safe side

                        Summary: Read it. 

Rory looked into the full length mirror that was standing in front of her. In it she saw a 18 year old girl in a off the shoulder white satin wedding gown. The girl's hair still wasn't done, mostly because the wedding wasn't until the next day. Rory stared harder into the mirror and tears came to her eyes as she realized that, she was the girl with the wedding dress on. Lorelai walked into the room. She smiled.

            "Hey babe. Your in your wedding dress." Rory quickly wiped her eyes, Lorelai saw this thinking they were tears of happiness, and overwhelment. 

            "Yeah. What's up Mom?" 

            "Your Dad, Sherri, and Lionel are here. Where that woman came up with that name I have no clue. Anyway, they're on their to the inn but Chris wanted to see you before the rehearsal dinner tonight." Rory nodded.

            "I'll be out in a minute. I just want to change first." Lorelai smiled again and walked out of the room. Rory sat down on her bed and sighed. How did she get herself into this? She started changing into her jeans.

~~~~~Flashback Graduation Day at Chilton June 23,2003~~~~

            Rory looked into the audience as she stood waiting to get her high school diploma. She saw her parents, Luke, Lane, Dean, Sookie, Jackson, her grandparents, Sherri, and her new little brother Lionel. They all smiled so proudly. She was bound for Harvard. She was going to undo the damage, if there was any left, that Lorelai had caused 18 years ago. She scanned the audience again hoping to see him. Hoping since they had almost gone back to the way it was, that he would show. 

            "Lorelai Leigh Gilmore." Headmaster Charleston had called out. Rory made her way across the stage and accepted her diploma. The Headmaster smiled at her and she turned her head towards the audience to switch the tassel to the correct side, she heard her mom whooping in the crowd. Rory laughed and felt someone's eyes on her besides her family. Eyes that were burning into her head. She looked to the back of the auditorium and saw him. He was clapping as loud as anyone. Her smile faded only to be replaced by a huge grin. She took her seat and kept her eyes locked onto his for the rest of the presentation. 

~~~Back to the present~~~~

Rory walked into the living room in jeans and a baby blue tee. She hugged her dad and stepmother, who handed Rory her baby brother. 

            "Are you excited Rory? Is your dress beautiful?" Sherri asked in one breath. 

            "Yes, I'm excited," she answered rocking Lionel, and trying not to cry again. 

            "So Lore, whose coming?"

            "Let's see.." Lorelai looked at the seating chart that was on an easel in the room, Rory's idea. "The whole thing is at the inn, and we have my parents, are your parents coming Chris?" Chris gave her a look, "Ok, no Francine and Strabb. We have, my parents sitting with whomever their inviting. We have Miss Patty, Babette, Morey, Kirk, and Taylor sitting here, Sookie, Jackson, Luke, Jess, if he shows, and of course, you Sherri here.  Near the head table. We have Dean's family over here. And me, Rory, Dean, Dean's parents, Lane, Mark, Dean's best man. 

Lorelai kept talking about the guests and other plans, but Rory had tuned her out hearing these things over and over again.

            ~~~Graduation Party for Family and Friends The Gilmore House, Stars Hollow, Connecticut~~

            "Congrats Rory." Was what she was hearing every angle, the party in full swing. She smiled and thanked the people but kept looking for him. Expecting everything and nothing at the same time. 

            "Hey my little graduate, is it time for cake yet?" Lorelai gave her daughter a hopeful look. Rory grinned and nodded, giving up her search.

            "Ok everyone quiet down! Ok, before we cut the cake I wanted to make a toast to my precious little graduate. Who, even with all my persistence that partying is more important than school," chuckling ran through the crowd, "graduated from Hell, and is now going onto Harvard! Now, I know I never really expected it, but here she is. Rory Gilmore, high school graduate!" Applause and yells of Yea Rory! Went through the crowd causing Rory to blush. Sookie brought in the cake, chocolate mocha icing with vanilla cake, that was in the shape of a graduate's cap. Rory was about to cut the cake when Dean came up to her, and quieted the crowd down again. 

            "Before you do that, Rory I would like to make a little speech of my own." Rory looked at Dean, wondering what this was about, then for some reason looked past him, there were those piercing brown eyes, that smirk that he wore when Dean was around. She smiled. Dean continued, thinking it was for him. " I just wanted to say how proud of you I am Rory, and even though we had some trouble in the past, it's all behind us. And I wanted to ask you something." He got down on one knee. Rory looked at him but only when Jess got a puzzled look on his face. Her eyes widened when she realized what he was doing. "Rory Gilmore will you marry me?" Tears came to Rory's eyes, tears of embarrassment, feeling obligated, of guilt for wanting Dean to be Jess. She looked at Jess one more time, begging him to come rescue her, to take her away from Dean. He looked, waiting for her to make a decision. He knew that if he didn't step in she was going to say yes. She wasn't strong enough to say no when it came to Dean and what she thought was expected of her. He walked away. She looked back to Dean, who was now holding out a ring. A diamond. She hated diamonds. They were to traditional for her. Jess would've known that. 

            She looked into Dean's eyes. There was love in them. She felt so guilty for not wanting him for wanting someone else. Maybe this would make it go away. She nodded. 

            "Yes Dean, I'll marry you."


	2. Realizing

            Title: Regret, Guilt, and Wanting More

            Author: Ice

            Spoilers: All three seasons

            Rating-PG-13 to be on the safe side.

              
  


"Rory Gilmore will you marry me?" Tears came to Rory's eyes, tears of embarrassment, feeling obligated, of guilt for wanting Dean to be Jess. She looked at Jess one more time, begging him to come rescue her, to take her away from Dean. He looked, waiting for her to make a decision. He knew that if he didn't step in she was going to say yes. She wasn't strong enough to say no when it came to Dean and what she thought was expected of her. He walked away. She looked back to Dean, who was now holding out a ring. A diamond. She hated diamonds. They were to traditional for her. Jess would've known that. 

            She looked into Dean's eyes. There was love in them. She felt so guilty for not wanting him for wanting someone else. Maybe this would make it go away. She nodded. 

            "Yes Dean, I'll marry you."

            ~~Present~~

            Chris, Sherri and the baby had left for the Independence Inn and left Rory and Lorelai to get ready for the Rehersal dinner that was to be held at the house, food catered by Sookie of course. Rory went into her room to put on the sparkly blue halter her mom had gotten her and a pair of dressy black pants. Then she went into the bathroom to curl her hair and to splash some cold water on her face. She heard the front door open, and the sounds of Sookie and Jackson bounding into the house with lots of trays of food. Rory then heard her mother come barreling down the stairs greeting the friends. Rory took a look at herself in the mirror. 

            "You are Rory Gilmore, always will be. No matter what."  'No,' a voice in her head told her, 'tomorrow you will become Lorelai Leigh Forrester.' Rory started crying again. Sobbing really. 

          ~~Grad Party~~

            Shrieks were heard from all over the room. Lorelai and Chris both looked at each other then at the newly engaged couple. Dean hugged Rory, and she looked over her shoulder only looking for him. There were smiles on everyone's faces, excluding her parents and grandparents. They were more shocked than anything else. 

            A few hours after everyone left- Rory and Lorelai had just finished cleaning up and crashed on the couch.

                        "Are you sure you want to do this Rory? I mean your so young." Lorelai asked her 18 year old daughter. Rory felt tears coming back. 

                        "Yeah. I mean he gets so jealous, this will show him I love him and only him." Lorelai looked at her daughter quizzically. 

                        "True, but what about Jess?" Lorelai saw her daughter's face contort for a second, like hearing Jess's name was to painful to bear. 

                        "What about Jess? He's with Shane. We're friends that's all. I'm going to bed." Rory got up and went into her room. Lorelai watched as her daughter left, thinking maybe it wasn't a good idea. But if it's what Rory wanted….

            Over the next three months Lorelai, Rory, Emily, Lane, Sookie, Dean's sister Clara, and Dean's mom planned the wedding. Jess and Rory avoided each other, only bumping into each other 3 times, at the diner. But the plans were all set. August 30, 2003 was the date. Then Rory and Dean would leave for Chicago the next day, where they would be going to school. Both would be going to the University of Chicago. His choice. 

            ~~Present~~

            Dean came over about an hour before the party was to start. He kissed his bride to be and said hello to Lorelai and Sookie. 

                        "Rory, could you come in here for a sec?" Dean called from the living room, where he was watching TV. Rory had been in the kitchen helping her mom and Sookie with preparations. She walked in and he grabbed her in a big bear hug, "This is your last night as Rory Gilmore."  

            "Yeah I know." She said, a fake smile planted on her face. Miss Patty walked in then and the party had begun.

            It was a few hours into the celebration and Rory had walked out of the house to get some fresh air. Dean was inside talking to his friends, and everyone else was, as it always is at her mom's gatherings, telling stories of when Rory was little. She leaned on the porch rail, staring into space. 

                        "Too much party for you?" It was him. Standing at the bottom of the stairs to the porch. 

                        "Jess." He came up to where he was standing.

                        "So how are you?" he asked, nodding his head.

                        "Good. Getting married tomorrow." 

                        "So I've heard." He sat down on the porch swing and she followed, "excited?" 

                        "I guess." They sit there for a few minutes.

                        "Rory what is up with you? You act like you like me, then you go and say you'll marry Beanpole in there." Rory looked at him, this outburst wasn't really like him.

                        "You know what Jess? I don't need this. I'm getting married tomorrow.  I'm happy." He looked at her, seeing the lie in her eyes.

                        "No your not. If you were you wouldn't be out here by yourself right now."

                        "I am happy! Dean and I are getting married and we'll be together forever." She all the tears that she hadn't cried but wanted to finally came out. He pulled her into a hug and just let her cry until it was all out. Ten minutes later, she had finally calmed down.

                        "I'm not happy. I don't want to be with him. But I don't want to hurt him, or my mom she paid so much for this. I want to go to Harvard. I want to become a journalist, I want a opal for my engagement ring not a diamond. I don't ever want to see Lord of the Rings again. I want to be able to go to a booksale without worrying about how long I'm taking or if whoever's with me is bored. I don't want this." 

                        "Rory, listen to me." He held her head in his hands. "Go tell your mom that you're not happy. She won't make you do something you don't want to. You know that. If Dean gives you any trouble, I'm here, Luke's here, your dad's here. Hell I bet even Kirk could take him down." She giggled a little, "Ok? Go in. I'll be there too."  She nodded and walked into the house, Jess behind her. She walked right over to her mother, who, upon seeing her red eyes, got very concerned very fast.

                        "Mom can I talk to you?" Lorelai nodded and they went into Rory's room, while Jess went to find Luke.


	3. The Confession

  "Rory, listen to me." He held her head in his hands. "Go tell your mom that you're not happy. She won't make you do something you don't want to. You know that. If Dean gives you any trouble, I'm here, Luke's here, your dad's here. Hell I bet even Kirk could take him down." She giggled a little, "Ok? Go in. I'll be there too."  She nodded and walked into the house, Jess behind her. She walked right over to her mother, who, upon seeing her red eyes, got very concerned very fast.

                        "Mom can I talk to you?" Lorelai nodded and they went into Rory's room, while Jess went to find Luke.

       Rory sat on her bed next to her mother after she closed the door. 

                         "Rory what is it? What's wrong? Did Jess say something?" She started to get off the bed to find Jess but Rory stopped her.

                         "Yes Mom, Jess did say something. But he just made me fully realize what I knew all along.I can't marry Dean. I want to go to Harvard or Yale. I want to become a journalist. I just can't....I can't marry Dean. I'm sorry." Rory looked down at her hands. Lorelai smiled softly and pushed some strands of hair out of her 18 year old daughter's face. 

                         "Okay." Rory looked up in disbelief. 

                         "Huh?" 

                         "Sweetie if you didn't want to marry Dean you should have just said something. If you weren't happy then no one's gonna force you. This town and all of us will stand behind you no matter what." Rory looked at her mother and hugged her, grateful. 

                           "I guess I'd better go find Dean and tell him now." Rory said reluctantly not getting off the bed. Lorelai looked at her.

                         "I'll go get Dean for you." Rory nodded gratefully. Lorelai walked out of Rory's room and into the living room. She looked around for Dean and saw Jess standing with Luke. She walked over to him. 

                        "Jess."

                        "Lorelai."

                        "I wanted to thank you for helping Rory realize what she wanted. But if you hurt her…"

                        "I know. You'll make my entrails my extrails and all that fun stuff." Lorelai smiled at the A Knights Tale reference. Jess smiled back at her and then looked over to Dean. Lorelai turned and walked to where Dean was standing, not even realizing that Rory was no longer in the room. 

                        "Excuse me, Dean? Rory needs to talk to you." He gave her a puzzled look but followed her into the kitchen to Rory's room.

                        "Rory? Lorelai said you wanted to talk to me?" He looked at her standing at her mirror where pictures of them, and her and Jess were placed. He always wanted to tear down the ones of Jess. She turned to face him.

                        "I don't want to move to Chicago." He looked at her stunned. 

                        "Okay….can we talk about this tomorrow? After the wedding?" Rory shook her head.

                        "No we have to talk about it now. I don't want to move so far away from my family and friends, I don't want to go to the University of Chicago." 

                        "Rory, this is so out of the blue! What's going on why don't you want to go now?"

            Rory sighed and looked at Dean, "This is why. Have you never noticed that I leave the room or almost burst out crying every time we made plans for the wedding or the move?" Dean looked as confused as ever. 

"Rory what are you saying?" He was getting frustrated and angry. Rory sighed and  shook her head. "Dean, I'm saying I can't go, I can't marry you." Dean looked at her.      "You can't marry me? Why Rory? Why? Because of Jess?" His voice was getting louder now but for once Rory really didn't care. She also started yelling.

                        "No! Why the hell do you always think it's about Jess? He's my best friend! He stood by me, mostly, he and Luke both put me first not themselves which is more I can say for you." Dean looked at shocked at the outburst, but Rory didn't care what he thought anymore. "I can't marry you because I don't love you Dean! Nothing more nothing less! I thought I could do it, but…there's no way. I can't uproot my life for a guy who makes all of my decisions for me. Who I know longer love. I'm sorry Dean. I can't do it." Dean looks at Rory, you could see the anger in his face. Rory stood him down though and he turned and left. Rory's door opened to the crowd that had quieted to hear the two fight. They all parted ways as Dean grabbed his coat and stormed out of the Gilmore house, followed by his parents and family. The town of Stars Hollow all looked at Lorelai who looked to Chris and then Luke. Emily and Richard looked at each other and then to Lorelai wondering what to do.  Jess, who was standing next to Luke walked past everyone and into the kitchen. Lorelai and Chris followed him.

            "Jess wait. Let us talk to her first." Jess stood back and gestured to the door.

            "Rory?" 

            "Hi Mom, Hi Daddy." Rory said as they walked into her room. 

            "Hey babe. You okay?" 

            "Amazingly, yes. I feel like a humongous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can go to Hartford community college for a semester and then transfer to Yale. For the first time since graduation, I think I'm actually happy." Chris and Lorelai smiled at each other. 

            "Okay then." Chris said. 

            "Uh, Mom? Could you send Jess in?" Lorelai smiled. "Sure babe."

They left, a few minutes later Jess sauntered in a smirk on his face. 

            "So you're not getting married tomorrow?" He asked moving closer.

            "I guess not." She smiled. 

            "Huh." She nodded, smiling.

            "Well I guess I'd better go apologize to everyone." 

            "Yep." He moved a little closer.

            "Jess, as much as I want this, right now would not be a good time. I just broke up with my fiancé. My first love, my only boyfriend. I can't switch over that fast." She looked disappointed. As did he. But Jess backed off. 

            "Okay." She laughed.

            "Okay?" Jess shrugged.

            "I've waited this long, I can wait a few more months."

            "Jess. I have good news. I don't think it'll take that long for me to get over Dean."

            "Cool. There's a booksale in Hartford tomorrow wanna go?" Rory nodded. 

            "Sure."

            They walked out of Rory's room into the crowd of waiting people.

            "Everyone I'm sorry about all of this, but I just can't marry Dean. I don't love him." There was a chorus of 'that's all right sugars.' and we understands. Then people started filing out so it was just Lorelai, Luke, Chris, and Jess and Rory. Lorelai popped a movie into the VCR, got tons of junk food and coffee and they all sat down to watch it. Then the boys say which movie it was and chorused "Not Willy Wonka again!" 

**The End  **


End file.
